i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
