i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
