I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
