i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
