Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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