I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
