party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
