I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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