today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
