Define "chronic" masturbator.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I just sharted jello shots
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