I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
