I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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