Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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