3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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