Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
