You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
