I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize