Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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