By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
