I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
