3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
