Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
420 ftw
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
