You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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