So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
