I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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