Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
