What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
