I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
