I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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