i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
