ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
