What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
