I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
