Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
