Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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