This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
