you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
