Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
