My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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