If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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