NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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