I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
