How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i came on her dog
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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