It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
