We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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