Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
