I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
