Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
