Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
me + whiskey = a bad person
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
