he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
