Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
