all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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