my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
