Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
