oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
