oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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