I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So. Much. Porn.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
