I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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