my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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