used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
