cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
