the condom got lost in my hair
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize