He had one of those small greek statue penises
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
