wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize