3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
