there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
