Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
