that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
