My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
