Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
