u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Someone signed my nipple.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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