What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
