Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
