Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
